The editor of an interactive website asked me how women can build self-esteem during International Boost Self Esteem Month. (That’s February. Who knew?) I gave her the first five sugggestions that came to mind:
- Looking their best by being well-groomed and wearing nice clothes.
- Focusing on their strong points, such as a good disposition, brains, job performance.
- Recalling past achievements and pursing a new one.
- Going out of their way to do something for someone else.
- Recognizing that even self-confident people have moments of low self-esteem.
I discovered the website is for college girls. It’s very interesting, informative and helpful, but candidly discusses sexual matters, so I’m reluctant to provide the URL. If you want to know, send me your email address.
Scott Rosen was born with a deformed left foot that didn’t grow as the rest of his body did. Other kids made fun of him, and he couldn’t participate in sports. He had opportunities to go to a summer camp that didn’t focus on athletics, but he was afraid, and stayed home. Finally, at age 13, which is old for a first-time camper, he decided to go.
During the get-to-know-you session, something compelled him to announce that his left foot was four sizes smaller than his right foot. After a moment of silence, one camper asked if they could see it. To his surprise, they thought it was fascinating, even cool. It made him special, not odd.
“I came out of my shell and became comfortable with who I was,” Scott says. “I developed a level of self-esteem and self-confidence.”
The story gets better. He continued to spend summers at the camp, becoming a counselor and eventually working with the campers who had developmental disorders. He helped develop a vocational program for older kids with special needs. It inspired him to get a degree in special education, which he now teaches at a high school in St. Louis. During the summers, he is still involved with the camp.
Making the decision to go to camp did more than influence his career choice. It was there that he met the girl who is now his wife and the mother of their two children.
Going to camp was a risk for him, but if he didn’t take the chance, Scott says he doesn’t know where he would be today.
People who tease, bully or ignore others because of their appearance should instead show compassion.
As difficult as it may seem, the people who are being teased, bullied or ignored should show compassion for their tormentors. Everyone–especially troublemakers–have troubles of their own, and if you knew what they were, you might understand their unkind behavior.
We all tend to be in our own worlds dealing with our own issues, but if we have compassion for others and let them know it, they appreciate it. Understanding, sympathizing and helping others can not only win their friendship, but reduce our concern for our own woes.
You don’t hear the word compassion very often. It’s the basis of the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” You don’t hear the golden rule very often either, but quess what? It is the central principle of Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. For some reason, organized religion isn’t getting the word across.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu and religious writer Karen Armstrong have launched a global call to action for individuals and nations to exercise compassion. Read The Charter for Compassion. It makes sense, but don’t wait for everyone else to get on board.
My wife and I were having dinner with three other couples, all of us over the age of 50. The topic of advice versus constructive criticism came up, and I said no matter what you call it, when it is directed at me, I take it into consideration. They seemed surprised. I said I’m always trying to improve myself. One friend remarked, “When is it going to show?” We all laughed, and the topic changed.
Later, I wondered why they all thought my willingness to accept advice and criticism was strange. I’m guessing two reasons. First, many people don’t believe that self-help programs and books really work. Secondly, by a certain age, we are who we are, and to try to change is a sign of insecurity and lack of self-esteem. I disagree, and posted some thoughts on this in my April 30 blog, “Be Yourself. Bad advice?” What do you think?
In my previous blog entry, I said the book You Being Beautful had paths to finding happiness, but I didn’t say what they were, and that probably made readers unhappy. Note that these are paths, not something like an all-you-can-eat-for-$5.00 restaurant opening near you, but more in the realm of the meanings and the purpose of life. Here are the books’s Six Paths to Happiness, followed by my interpretations:
Be positive and generous. Your smile can make others smile. And if you help others, you will experience a “helper’s high.”
Feel empathy for others. When friends, family members or even strangers have troubles, show compassion and you will feel more connected with each other. Connections are a human need.
Find authenticity. To discover your true self, see the big picture of how you relate to other people and the world. That’s a bit unclear, but it’s about not being superficial. Know what’s important, not petty.
Embrace emotions. And learn from them. For example, you get mad at someone for being a jerk. Maybe he has troubles that made him do something stupid. That doesn’t make him an all-around jerk.
Explore spirituality. To most, this means religion and prayer, which can provide a calming effect. So can meditation–slowing down and thinking mellow thoughts about what is good about your life and the world.
Understand happiness. When you are not happy, think of what makes you happy. It can encourage you to set new goals for your day and for your life.
This advice is a direct quote from John Cashmore, a man I interviewed for my book, “Facing the World.” What happened to prompt his comment? His wife of five years left him for another man. A good friend of his! Who he worked with! And still works with!
His painful experience added to his self-esteem issues resulting from the cleft palate he was born with. You can be sure he suffered emotional turmoil and humiliation, but he got over it, and good for him. Think of how miserable he would be today if he remained bitter.
John has a good attitude that doesn’t include self-pity. He is a caring person who has helped many people as a patrolman and as a volunteer in his community. It’s no wonder that he found another wife and a happy life.
