Facing the World

Overweight? You can find love.

Jim O'Connor — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 16:27:08 +0000

There are heavy people who like other heavy people. Some skinny guys like fat girls, and some slender girls like fat men. They are sometimes referred to as Chubby Chasers, but social scientists more kindly refer to them as Fat Admirers (FAs). Since mainstream society favors the mannequin look, lovers of the overweight might be considered abnormal. Fat fetishes are a reality, but many normal people genuinely prefer to be smothered with love by someone without pointy elbows.

This is a good thing. Fat people outnumber skinny people in this country, which increases the odds of them finding a partner. Also, studies show that male Fat Admirers find a wider range of body sizes attractive than do other men, which increases the odds of finding someone to date, love, marry, or just sit around with and chew the fat.

If you are interested, there are a number of dating websites for Chubby Chasers. Since I’m not familiar with them, I’m not going to provide a link to one. You can search for them on the Internet, but like any dating site, be wary of the feeders (people who want you to get even fatter) and the usual assortment of weirdos.

Fat people have a big problem finding acceptance.

Jim O'Connor — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 04:24:02 +0000

It seems to me that the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, founded in 1969, has not been very effective. Most people are unaware that it exists. There have been periods in history when chunky girls were desirable, but for decades, thin has been in. You would think that acceptance of fat people would outweigh objections since the majority of Americans (68 percent) are overweight, and a third (33.8 percent) are considered obese. However, many of them don’t accept themselves the way they are–not just because of social pressure, but because of their own discomfort in clothes and tight spots like airplane seats, theaters, and booths in some of the places where they like to eat.

Now, with health care reform the issue of the day, we hear that billions of dollars are spent on health issues related to obesity. Add to that the natural preference most people have for for slim, healthy looking men and women, and the super-sized folks are frowned upon like smokers in an elevator. Many heavy people are smart, entertaining, hardworking, fun, kind,and pleasant to be with. They just have to overcome first impressions–and try to lose weight. Everyone knows how difficult that is to do, but it earns admiration and respect and builds self esteem.

The valuable message in “She’s Out of My League”

Jim O'Connor — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 05:13:18 +0000

Romantic comedies targeting 18-35 year-olds are invariably raunchy, sexy and overloaded with F-Bombs, but I find most of them hilarious and, more importantly, concluding with a important message that I hope isn’t lost in the muck of rudeness, incivility, and dysfunctional behavior. In “She’s Out of My League,” adorable Alice Eve develops a liking for Jay Baruchel who plays a scrawny quasi-nerd. His friends and annoying family reinforce his own belief that she is way too good for him. In the end, his cruelist friend becomes enlighted, discovering that a total babe like Alice can actually overcome Jay’s physical shortcomings and find him attractive because, well, he’s a really nice guy with a sense of humor and humanity.

It’s the ancient formula–boy wins girl, boy loses girl, boy wins girl back–but it’s refreshing to see his all his friends, family members and other uncouth clowns pleased that the two are meant for each other. I know that crassness of the movie is intentionally outrageous just to get a laugh, and much of it is funny, but if you try to duplicate it at home, you’re going to get smacked.

Mississippi: The girls are cute, but much more.

Jim O'Connor — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 05:42:31 +0000

My wife and I just returned from a week in Mississippi, including four days in Oxford, home of the U. of Mississippi (Ole Miss). The state and the University are known for good looking girls and Miss America contestants, but looks aren’t everything–nor are they the only quality these young ladies possess. They smile broadly and say hello as they pass by. At restaurants and bars, they engaged us in long conversations with undivided attention, even when we were among the oldest people there. They speak with energy, enthusiasm and optimism. Most of them get dolled up on Friday and Saturday nights, no matter where they are going.

The young men are just as friendly, and oh so polite. When they enter a building, they check to see if someone is behind them and, if so, hold the door for them. They never say yeah, but yes sir, and yes ma-am. Their old-fashioned Southern hospitality and manners make a very positive impression.

hypersoccorfan

What does love have to do with anything? Everything.

Jim O'Connor — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 04:35:35 +0000

Just for the fun of it, I conducted an informal, unscientific, simplistic study on certain things that are important to most people. My lame and lazy research process involved entering words into Google to see how many links and sites popped up. Here is what I found:

1,410 million Love

819 million Sports

510 million Sex

376 million Beauty

183 million Humor

169 million Relationships

147 milllion Marriage

134 million Chocolate

Love seems to rank the highest, with subcategories like love songs, love stories, love poems, love scenes. Isn’t that sweet? Oh! I left one out that even outranks love:

1,740 million TV

Does that mean that we love TV more than love itself? Or do we love watching shows that deal with sports, humor, sex, and relationships–not to exclude such popular themes as violence, catastrophies, and news. Something to think about. Or don’t bother.

Do you display your best face on Facebook?

Jim O'Connor — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 04:48:35 +0000

Why is it that some people don’t show their face–or a clear picture of it–on Facebook? Or on LinkedIn or other social media sites? Doesn’t it disappoint you when you can’t tell what a person really looks like?

Let’s face it: People want to see your face, and you want to see theirs. If someone catches your eye because of his or her clothes, hair or body, you eventually want to see the person’s face. Right? Faces and their expressions communicate. Even little babies stare at faces, and smile back at smiling faces. Women spent a fortune on cosmetics to make their faces look better, which is okay, as long as they decorate it and not disguise it. Our face is the most identifying and unique tag that each of us has, so let it show, especially if you are on social media to be social.

albubba

BiOstar

Want to connect with people? The eyes have it.

Jim O'Connor — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 05:04:02 +0000

When you talk to and listen to someone, do you look him or her in the eye? Fifty percent of people say they don’t, focusing on the other person’s mouth or nose or anywhere but the eyes. Why? According to the book “The Human Face,” we hold each other’s gaze for about three seconds at a time. Any longer makes both parties uncomfortable. Is it too intimate? Flirtatious? Or just attentive? Depends on who you are conversing with. In any case, if you want to really connect with someone, go eye to eye.

Notice in the movies that couples in romantic scenes do it all the time. However, ”The Human Face” says prolonged eye contact indicates that one of two things is about to happen–the two people are either about to make love…or fight!

How women can build self-esteem

Jim O'Connor — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 04:17:58 +0000

The editor of an interactive website asked me how women can build self-esteem during International Boost Self Esteem Month. (That’s February. Who knew?) I gave her the first five sugggestions that came to mind:

Looking their best by being well-groomed and wearing nice clothes.
Focusing on their strong points, such as a good disposition, brains, job performance.
Recalling past achievements and pursing a new one.
Going out of their way to do something for someone else.
Recognizing that even self-confident people have moments of low self-esteem.

I discovered the website is for college girls. It’s very interesting, informative and helpful, but candidly discusses sexual matters, so I’m reluctant to provide the URL. If you want to know, send me your email address.

Straight advice on improving your image

Jim O'Connor — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 05:12:35 +0000

What sort of impression do you get from someone who slouches in his or her chair and seems to make no effort to stand up straight? Think about that, and then be aware of your own posture.

If you Google “good posture,” you will be amazed at how important it is for your back, your neck, your circulation, your joints, your lungs, and your overall health. Carrying yourself well and sitting properly also conveys a lot about you: your attitude, self-confidence, energy, and enthusiasm. Good posture allows you to think better and speak more clearly. It makes your breasts (f) or pectorals (m) look bigger and your stomach flatter. And it makes you look taller. (If you are a tall girl, you look weird if you try to hide it. Be proud of your height.)

Don’t overdo it, or you will look like someone stuck a pole up your butt. Learn more at Good Posture.

Lower photo: WCPL upper photo: whitneyudh

Teenagers: You never know where life will take you.

Jim O'Connor — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 03:52:14 +0000

It seems to me that every kid has something going for him or her. Maybe not good looks, and maybe not brains, but some quality that eventually gets them somewhere in life. It might be an interest in books, a hobby, music, a sport, art, fashion, mechanics, computers, or any number of things. They pursue it, or a parent or teacher or a friend encourages them, and it leads to a career. Or they just fall into a profession.

Take Hugh Simpson. He was picked on from first grade through high school. He was chubby and wore nerdy glasses, but also annoyed other kids and teachers with his hyperactivity and incessant talking. Yet, it was his big mouth that launched his career.

He worked at a record store while in junior college, and the owner told him he had a good voice for radio. He applied for a job as a weekend disc jockey and was hired. Later they had him interview people for the news, including a TV newscaster who talked him into reading the news on TV. By then he wore contacts and looked the part, having lost 50 pounds during a bout with mono. He eventually became a TV producer and a successful publicist for businesses and celebrities.

Someone else helped change his life. A friend convinced him to take up running, a good way to deal with his hyperactivity. By the age of 42, the former fat kid was participating in triathlons.

Photo: Jouneythroughhappiness