It seems to me that the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, founded in 1969, has not been very effective. Most people are unaware that it exists. There have been periods in history when chunky girls were desirable, but for decades, thin has been in. You would think that acceptance of fat people would outweigh objections since the majority of Americans (68 percent) are overweight, and a third (33.8 percent) are considered obese. However, many of them don’t accept themselves the way they are–not just because of social pressure, but because of their own discomfort in clothes and tight spots like airplane seats, theaters, and booths in some of the places where they like to eat.
Now, with health care reform the issue of the day, we hear that billions of dollars are spent on health issues related to obesity. Add to that the natural preference most people have for for slim, healthy looking men and women, and the super-sized folks are frowned upon like smokers in an elevator. Many heavy people are smart, entertaining, hardworking, fun, kind,and pleasant to be with. They just have to overcome first impressions–and try to lose weight. Everyone knows how difficult that is to do, but it earns admiration and respect and builds self esteem.
Romantic comedies targeting 18-35 year-olds are invariably raunchy, sexy and overloaded with F-Bombs, but I find most of them hilarious and, more importantly, concluding with a important message that I hope isn’t lost in the muck of rudeness, incivility, and dysfunctional behavior. In “She’s Out of My League,” adorable Alice Eve develops a liking for Jay Baruchel who plays a scrawny quasi-nerd. His friends and annoying family reinforce his own belief that she is way too good for him. In the end, his cruelist friend becomes enlighted, discovering that a total babe like Alice can actually overcome Jay’s physical shortcomings and find him attractive because, well, he’s a really nice guy with a sense of humor and humanity.
It’s the ancient formula–boy wins girl, boy loses girl, boy wins girl back–but it’s refreshing to see his all his friends, family members and other uncouth clowns pleased that the two are meant for each other. I know that crassness of the movie is intentionally outrageous just to get a laugh, and much of it is funny, but if you try to duplicate it at home, you’re going to get smacked.
What sort of impression do you get from someone who slouches in his or her chair and seems to make no effort to stand up straight? Think about that, and then be aware of your own posture.
If you Google “good posture,” you will be amazed at how important it is for your back, your neck, your circulation, your joints, your lungs, and your overall health. Carrying yourself well and sitting properly also conveys a lot about you: your attitude, self-confidence, energy, and enthusiasm. Good posture allows you to think better and speak more clearly. It makes your breasts (f) or pectorals (m) look bigger and your stomach flatter. And it makes you look taller. (If you are a tall girl, you look weird if you try to hide it. Be proud of your height.)
Don’t overdo it, or you will look like someone stuck a pole up your butt. Learn more at Good Posture.
Lower photo: WCPL upper photo: whitneyudh
It seems to me that every kid has something going for him or her. Maybe not good looks, and maybe not brains, but some quality that eventually gets them somewhere in life. It might be an interest in books, a hobby, music, a sport, art, fashion, mechanics, computers, or any number of things. They pursue it, or a parent or teacher or a friend encourages them, and it leads to a career. Or they just fall into a profession.
Take Hugh Simpson. He was picked on from first grade through high school. He was chubby and wore nerdy glasses, but also annoyed other kids and teachers with his hyperactivity and incessant talking. Yet, it was his big mouth that launched his career.
He worked at a record store while in junior college, and the owner told him he had a good voice for radio. He applied for a job as a weekend disc jockey and was hired. Later they had him interview people for the news, including a TV newscaster who talked him into reading the news on TV. By then he wore contacts and looked the part, having lost 50 pounds during a bout with mono. He eventually became a TV producer and a successful publicist for businesses and celebrities.
Someone else helped change his life. A friend convinced him to take up running, a good way to deal with his hyperactivity. By the age of 42, the former fat kid was participating in triathlons.
Photo: Jouneythroughhappiness
The best way to build self-esteem is to say kind things to yourself every day. This advice comes from Suzanne E. Harrill, author of “Empowering teens to build self-esteem.” Her book has pages of affirmations (positive thoughts) that you can say to yourself, whether you are a teenagers or an adult.
Actually, her advice is not new. About 90 years ago, one of the first proponents of a positive mental attitude (PMA) suggested saying to yourself, “Each and every day, I get better and better in every way.” It must work. Most self-help programs throughout the ages (decades, anyway) require PMA. It sures beats saying “I’m a loser” each morning.
Maybe it’s not as effective as having other people tell you how great you are, but no one can rely on praise from others. Don’t you love it when someone compliments you? Embarrassing sometimes, but welcome. So why not be generous and genuine about complimenting people you know deserve it? Too often, we think positive things about friends and family members but don’t tell them. Many of Suzanne Harrill’s affirmations can be directed to others as well as yourself.
If just thinking about exercising makes you sleepy or slightly ill, force yourself to do something, even the minimum, like a brisk walk around the block. You won’t lose weight, but you will be glad you did it. Next time, walk two blocks. Still no pounds shed, but you will have a sense of accomplishment.
A study by the University of Florida as reported in the Journal of Health Psychology found that people who start exercising improve their body image, even though their thighs or muffin tops don’t diminish a single gram. In fact, men and women who do not exercise enough to meet the minimum for health benefits (considered 30 minutes a day, five days a week) experience the same psychological improvement as more athletic men and women. They feel good (angelic?) about making the effort.
I’m sure this is true, but at some point, I’ll bet there has to be some physical change or depression will set in. However, they should keep in mind that exercise has benefits beyond weight loss. Try it. Do anything, even if it is just five minutes twice a week. And no fries with that.
photo by crayzeee
People who tease, bully or ignore others because of their appearance should instead show compassion.
As difficult as it may seem, the people who are being teased, bullied or ignored should show compassion for their tormentors. Everyone–especially troublemakers–have troubles of their own, and if you knew what they were, you might understand their unkind behavior.
We all tend to be in our own worlds dealing with our own issues, but if we have compassion for others and let them know it, they appreciate it. Understanding, sympathizing and helping others can not only win their friendship, but reduce our concern for our own woes.
You don’t hear the word compassion very often. It’s the basis of the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” You don’t hear the golden rule very often either, but quess what? It is the central principle of Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. For some reason, organized religion isn’t getting the word across.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu and religious writer Karen Armstrong have launched a global call to action for individuals and nations to exercise compassion. Read The Charter for Compassion. It makes sense, but don’t wait for everyone else to get on board.
Years ago, as the head of the PR department for a large corporation, I had a woman on my staff who was smart, pleasant and capable. She was also obese, had long greasy hair, did not wear make up, and had body odor. One day she asked me why I never sent her on business trips. I closed the door and reminded her that our PR department represented the company, which sold personal care products! We had a talk about first impressions. She explained she had financial problems, uncontrollable weight, and too many family members using one bathroom. I sympathized, but told her that even her fellow employees would respect her more if made some improvements and displayed more self-respect. It was a painful discussion.
She cut her hair short and started wearing make-up and nail polish. She bought a new outfit. That was about the best she could do, but she tried, and I believe it made a difference. Nevertheless, I think she resented my candor with her, and the fact that I never did send her on a business trip.
I still believe I did the right thing. What do you think?
Nothing makes a face look better than a smile. You don’t even need to invest in lipstick, especially if you are a guy. A smile reflects a pleasant disposition, and tells people you are happy to see them. I know that sometimes we just aren’t in the mood to smile. Then someone greets us with a friendly grin, and more often than not, we smile back. That person made us feel liked. So why not be the person who smiles first?
If you aren’t great looking, or wear braces, have large gums or bad teeth, smile anyway. It indicates that you aren’t self-conscious, and that’s admirable. A closed mouth smile is better than no smile, but you’re going to open your mouth anyway when you speak, so don’t worry about the glare from your braces or stares at the gaps between your teeth. Smile though your heart is breaking, as the song goes, and you’ll feel better.
Beautify people who rarely smile make themselves less attractive. Victorian Beckham comes to mind. Click her name to link to 50 photos of her, hardly any with a smile. Posh Spice looks like Pout Bites. She’s cute, and maybe she’s fun to be with, but her expression tells you the opposite. Your eyes go to her glued-on boobs, and without them, she has a toothpick figure. Maybe she’s a nice person, but she hides it behind her mannequin looks.
Another tip: When you smile at someone, look him or her right in the eye. It makes them feel connected to you.
Crystal Renn was about a size 12 teenager when she was told she could be a successful model if she lost weight. She shed the pounds and became a sought after model. But after several years of starvation, bulimia, drugs and health issues, she ate what she wanted and returned to size 12, which she believes is her genetically determined size–and the size of the average American woman. Her career tumbled, but soon she became one of the top plus-sized models in the world, and still is. In her recently released autobiography, Hungry, she says she is now a normal, happy, more relaxed person:
“When I was straight-sized, I’d be in and out of castings in five minutes. Now that I looked and behaved like a completely different person, casting directors kept talking to me. I was confident and charismatic, animated, funny. I would ask casting directors about themselves, which is unusual for models on calls. I was newly expansive. I’d express opinions. I was everything as a plus model that I hadn’t been as a meek, spacey, straight-size model.”
Her advice in a nutshell: embrace who you are.
