It seems to me that every kid has something going for him or her. Maybe not good looks, and maybe not brains, but some quality that eventually gets them somewhere in life. It might be an interest in books, a hobby, music, a sport, art, fashion, mechanics, computers, or any number of things. They pursue it, or a parent or teacher or a friend encourages them, and it leads to a career. Or they just fall into a profession.
Take Hugh Simpson. He was picked on from first grade through high school. He was chubby and wore nerdy glasses, but also annoyed other kids and teachers with his hyperactivity and incessant talking. Yet, it was his big mouth that launched his career.
He worked at a record store while in junior college, and the owner told him he had a good voice for radio. He applied for a job as a weekend disc jockey and was hired. Later they had him interview people for the news, including a TV newscaster who talked him into reading the news on TV. By then he wore contacts and looked the part, having lost 50 pounds during a bout with mono. He eventually became a TV producer and a successful publicist for businesses and celebrities.
Someone else helped change his life. A friend convinced him to take up running, a good way to deal with his hyperactivity. By the age of 42, the former fat kid was participating in triathlons.
Photo: Jouneythroughhappiness
People who tease, bully or ignore others because of their appearance should instead show compassion.
As difficult as it may seem, the people who are being teased, bullied or ignored should show compassion for their tormentors. Everyone–especially troublemakers–have troubles of their own, and if you knew what they were, you might understand their unkind behavior.
We all tend to be in our own worlds dealing with our own issues, but if we have compassion for others and let them know it, they appreciate it. Understanding, sympathizing and helping others can not only win their friendship, but reduce our concern for our own woes.
You don’t hear the word compassion very often. It’s the basis of the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” You don’t hear the golden rule very often either, but quess what? It is the central principle of Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. For some reason, organized religion isn’t getting the word across.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu and religious writer Karen Armstrong have launched a global call to action for individuals and nations to exercise compassion. Read The Charter for Compassion. It makes sense, but don’t wait for everyone else to get on board.
Some kids who are picked on in high school because of their appearance think the torment will end when they escape from high school. They’re right. At least that’s what I’ve discovered from the people I’ve interviewed so far for my book, “Facing the World.” The main reasons why:
* In college, the bullies and tormentors find new activities, interests and friends to keep them occupied.
* Their cliques are desolved, so they no longer have followers to amuse or help feel superior.
* They mature. Well, not really. They just find other ways to misbehave.
* It is easier to find supportive friends in college, or to disappear into the crowd.
* Victims who get a job rather than go to college discover everyone at work is too busy to bother teasing them. They might encounter conflicts with a wicked fellow employee, but usually for reasons other than their looks.
Another solution, it seems, is to move to New York City. There are so many different kinds of people living in that melting pot that everyone fits in somewhere. In fact, if you have a really peculiar yet disitinctive face, hair or body, you add to the flavor and visual entertainment of New York. People will want to get to know you and invite you to places like art gallery openings. This is not guaranteed, however, so don’t rush to pack your bags.
Since my wife and I are heading to New York for the annual Book Expo America, I thought this would be a good time to mention some interesting books on beauty that I have been reading. However, most of them focus on the reality that looks do matter, with only a smattering of advice on how to overcome the bias.
Instead, below are four books for young adults that are far more helpful. I have not yet read them all, so I will review them one at a time later.
“Thirteen Reasons Why,” a best-selling young adult novel by Jay Asher. This one I have read, and it is an interesting tale of a young girl who commits suicide and leaves more than just a note explaining why. A variety of cruel acts and thoughtless slights from different classmates make readers realize the potential tragic results of teasing, starting rumors, and simply being insensitive.
“My feet aren’t Ugly,” by Debra Beck, a girl’s guide to loving herself from the inside out. Includes some illustrations and pages for journaling.
“You’d be so pretty if…” by Dara Chadwick. The author grew up listening to her mother bemoan the shape of her eyes, her thighs, and everything in between. She tells mothers how to avoid conditioning their daughters with bad body images.
“Empowering Teens to Build Self-Esteem,” by Suzanne E. Harrill. Written in 1993, but a fourth printing in 2007. It’s an easy-to-read 79-page book for adolescents, but also written for parents teachers, and counselors.
