There are heavy people who like other heavy people. Some skinny guys like fat girls, and some slender girls like fat men. They are sometimes referred to as Chubby Chasers, but social scientists more kindly refer to them as Fat Admirers (FAs). Since mainstream society favors the mannequin look, lovers of the overweight might be considered abnormal. Fat fetishes are a reality, but many normal people genuinely prefer to be smothered with love by someone without pointy elbows.
This is a good thing. Fat people outnumber skinny people in this country, which increases the odds of them finding a partner. Also, studies show that male Fat Admirers find a wider range of body sizes attractive than do other men, which increases the odds of finding someone to date, love, marry, or just sit around with and chew the fat.
If you are interested, there are a number of dating websites for Chubby Chasers. Since I’m not familiar with them, I’m not going to provide a link to one. You can search for them on the Internet, but like any dating site, be wary of the feeders (people who want you to get even fatter) and the usual assortment of weirdos.
My wife and I just returned from a week in Mississippi, including four days in Oxford, home of the U. of Mississippi (Ole Miss). The state and the University are known for good looking girls and Miss America contestants, but looks aren’t everything–nor are they the only quality these young ladies possess. They smile broadly and say hello as they pass by. At restaurants and bars, they engaged us in long conversations with undivided attention, even when we were among the oldest people there. They speak with energy, enthusiasm and optimism. Most of them get dolled up on Friday and Saturday nights, no matter where they are going.
The young men are just as friendly, and oh so polite. When they enter a building, they check to see if someone is behind them and, if so, hold the door for them. They never say yeah, but yes sir, and yes ma-am. Their old-fashioned Southern hospitality and manners make a very positive impression.
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When you talk to and listen to someone, do you look him or her in the eye? Fifty percent of people say they don’t, focusing on the other person’s mouth or nose or anywhere but the eyes. Why? According to the book “The Human Face,” we hold each other’s gaze for about three seconds at a time. Any longer makes both parties uncomfortable. Is it too intimate? Flirtatious? Or just attentive? Depends on who you are conversing with. In any case, if you want to really connect with someone, go eye to eye.
Notice in the movies that couples in romantic scenes do it all the time. However, ”The Human Face” says prolonged eye contact indicates that one of two things is about to happen–the two people are either about to make love…or fight!
New actress Gabourey Sidibe, star of the movie Precious, is an excellent example of a very large person who can look good because of the clothes she wears. The November 30 issue of Star magazine shows her wearing four classy outfits and, no, you smart-alecks, not all at the same time. She looks good in a print dress, a sequined tunic with leggings, a purple gown, and even wearing a plaid hoodie and short skirt. The article has a shot of her from the movie, and even though she is not poorly dressed, she looks much better in the other photos with the additional help of make-up, a better hairdo, and a great smile.
Photo credit: gdcgraphics
Nothing makes a face look better than a smile. You don’t even need to invest in lipstick, especially if you are a guy. A smile reflects a pleasant disposition, and tells people you are happy to see them. I know that sometimes we just aren’t in the mood to smile. Then someone greets us with a friendly grin, and more often than not, we smile back. That person made us feel liked. So why not be the person who smiles first?
If you aren’t great looking, or wear braces, have large gums or bad teeth, smile anyway. It indicates that you aren’t self-conscious, and that’s admirable. A closed mouth smile is better than no smile, but you’re going to open your mouth anyway when you speak, so don’t worry about the glare from your braces or stares at the gaps between your teeth. Smile though your heart is breaking, as the song goes, and you’ll feel better.
Beautify people who rarely smile make themselves less attractive. Victorian Beckham comes to mind. Click her name to link to 50 photos of her, hardly any with a smile. Posh Spice looks like Pout Bites. She’s cute, and maybe she’s fun to be with, but her expression tells you the opposite. Your eyes go to her glued-on boobs, and without them, she has a toothpick figure. Maybe she’s a nice person, but she hides it behind her mannequin looks.
Another tip: When you smile at someone, look him or her right in the eye. It makes them feel connected to you.
My wife and I were having dinner with three other couples, all of us over the age of 50. The topic of advice versus constructive criticism came up, and I said no matter what you call it, when it is directed at me, I take it into consideration. They seemed surprised. I said I’m always trying to improve myself. One friend remarked, “When is it going to show?” We all laughed, and the topic changed.
Later, I wondered why they all thought my willingness to accept advice and criticism was strange. I’m guessing two reasons. First, many people don’t believe that self-help programs and books really work. Secondly, by a certain age, we are who we are, and to try to change is a sign of insecurity and lack of self-esteem. I disagree, and posted some thoughts on this in my April 30 blog, “Be Yourself. Bad advice?” What do you think?
Turning a lemon into lemonade. Converting a weakness into a strength. Making the best out of what you have. People do it, including these four whose full stories will appear in my book, “Facing the World.”
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When Susan Suruda was 14, she was six-feet tall, weighted less than 100 pounds, had braces and wore glasses. By the time she was a junior in high school, she was a fashion model. Now a successful singer and songwriter, she still models from time to time. Susan in a Betsey Johnson dress.
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Food made Ed “Cookie” Jarvis famous, but not as a chef. He weighed 385 pounds in high school, but he never played football. He entered eating contests, and today he holds more than 30 world eating records. He has a success business and a happy marriage. “Cookie” with Jay Leno.
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Stephanie Sack was always a big girl. She lost weight from time to time, but gained it back. She loved fashion, but could never find anything at any of the chic stores that fit her. So, at 28, she opened Vive la Femme, a clothing store in Chicago specializing in stylish clothes in sizes 12 to 24. She tells customers that accepting their weight is less frightening and energy consuming than denying it.
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At 14, an accident burned Kylie Williams, leaving embarrassing scars on her face. She was teased and ridiculed all through high school, but it didn’t stop her from pursing and becoming valedictorian. Her scars healed, and she eventually became Miss Florida 2007 and traveled the country giving inspirational speeches to burn victims and their families.
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I have interviewed several overweight people for this blog and for my book in progress, so I was one of several people quoted in the August 17, 2009, issue of Workforce Management, a magazine for human resources professionals. We all seemed to agree that employers, fellow employees, and customers perceive grossly overweight people to be less effective in one way or another.
The number of obese Americans is increasing. For employers, that means the costs associated with treating illnesses related to obesity are also increasing. The stigma against overweight people and political pressures are influencing how far some employers will go to help employees lose weight. Some companies offer employees incentives, even paying for surgery, while other companies penalize oversized workers with higher deductions for health insurance.
Some large people are rejected in job interviews and some employees are let go because of their weight, related health problems, and body politics that affect performance. The article says that no federal law exists to protect workers who are discriminated against on the basis of weight.
The article debates what can be done or should be done to help overweight employees, especially since people can be fat as the result of any number of personal, cultural, environmental, or psychological reasons. Maybe employers are interested in helping for corporate reasons (cost-control), but people struggling to lose weight should welcome the assistance.
My wife recently asked me to go with her to see ”Julie and Julia,” and I’m glad she did. It’s an excellent movie based on the book by Julie Powell who prepared every recipe in Julia Child’s cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Julia Child was a giant at six-feet-two with frizzy hair, an ordinary face, and a warbly voice–qualities not likely to bring her fame as an award-winning chef and TV personality. She not only had a passion for cooking, but a lust for life that made her cheerful and likable.
She was married to a shorter man who adored her. Her sister, who was even taller, also married a man much shorter.
Many celebrities lack Hollywood looks, but we begrudgingly credit their success to great talent, an exceptional personality, lucky breaks, or other factors that we don’t share. That doesn’ t mean we can’t succeed and find happiness in our own worlds. Biographies of famous people can still inspire us by showing us the qualities that contributed to their achievments, whether they include ambition, persistence, a can-do attittude, hard work, the willingness to take chances, or the nerve to ask for a job, a date, or the opportunity to try.
“Julie and Julia” is entertaining even if you only eat to live rather than live to eat. The personal stories of Julie Powell and Julia Child are both inspiring. If you watch the movie, pay attention to what makes them–and their husbands–appealing and admirable people.
In my previous blog entry, I said the book You Being Beautful had paths to finding happiness, but I didn’t say what they were, and that probably made readers unhappy. Note that these are paths, not something like an all-you-can-eat-for-$5.00 restaurant opening near you, but more in the realm of the meanings and the purpose of life. Here are the books’s Six Paths to Happiness, followed by my interpretations:
Be positive and generous. Your smile can make others smile. And if you help others, you will experience a “helper’s high.”
Feel empathy for others. When friends, family members or even strangers have troubles, show compassion and you will feel more connected with each other. Connections are a human need.
Find authenticity. To discover your true self, see the big picture of how you relate to other people and the world. That’s a bit unclear, but it’s about not being superficial. Know what’s important, not petty.
Embrace emotions. And learn from them. For example, you get mad at someone for being a jerk. Maybe he has troubles that made him do something stupid. That doesn’t make him an all-around jerk.
Explore spirituality. To most, this means religion and prayer, which can provide a calming effect. So can meditation–slowing down and thinking mellow thoughts about what is good about your life and the world.
Understand happiness. When you are not happy, think of what makes you happy. It can encourage you to set new goals for your day and for your life.
