There are heavy people who like other heavy people. Some skinny guys like fat girls, and some slender girls like fat men. They are sometimes referred to as Chubby Chasers, but social scientists more kindly refer to them as Fat Admirers (FAs). Since mainstream society favors the mannequin look, lovers of the overweight might be considered abnormal. Fat fetishes are a reality, but many normal people genuinely prefer to be smothered with love by someone without pointy elbows.
This is a good thing. Fat people outnumber skinny people in this country, which increases the odds of them finding a partner. Also, studies show that male Fat Admirers find a wider range of body sizes attractive than do other men, which increases the odds of finding someone to date, love, marry, or just sit around with and chew the fat.
If you are interested, there are a number of dating websites for Chubby Chasers. Since I’m not familiar with them, I’m not going to provide a link to one. You can search for them on the Internet, but like any dating site, be wary of the feeders (people who want you to get even fatter) and the usual assortment of weirdos.
It seems to me that the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, founded in 1969, has not been very effective. Most people are unaware that it exists. There have been periods in history when chunky girls were desirable, but for decades, thin has been in. You would think that acceptance of fat people would outweigh objections since the majority of Americans (68 percent) are overweight, and a third (33.8 percent) are considered obese. However, many of them don’t accept themselves the way they are–not just because of social pressure, but because of their own discomfort in clothes and tight spots like airplane seats, theaters, and booths in some of the places where they like to eat.
Now, with health care reform the issue of the day, we hear that billions of dollars are spent on health issues related to obesity. Add to that the natural preference most people have for for slim, healthy looking men and women, and the super-sized folks are frowned upon like smokers in an elevator. Many heavy people are smart, entertaining, hardworking, fun, kind,and pleasant to be with. They just have to overcome first impressions–and try to lose weight. Everyone knows how difficult that is to do, but it earns admiration and respect and builds self esteem.
It seems to me that every kid has something going for him or her. Maybe not good looks, and maybe not brains, but some quality that eventually gets them somewhere in life. It might be an interest in books, a hobby, music, a sport, art, fashion, mechanics, computers, or any number of things. They pursue it, or a parent or teacher or a friend encourages them, and it leads to a career. Or they just fall into a profession.
Take Hugh Simpson. He was picked on from first grade through high school. He was chubby and wore nerdy glasses, but also annoyed other kids and teachers with his hyperactivity and incessant talking. Yet, it was his big mouth that launched his career.
He worked at a record store while in junior college, and the owner told him he had a good voice for radio. He applied for a job as a weekend disc jockey and was hired. Later they had him interview people for the news, including a TV newscaster who talked him into reading the news on TV. By then he wore contacts and looked the part, having lost 50 pounds during a bout with mono. He eventually became a TV producer and a successful publicist for businesses and celebrities.
Someone else helped change his life. A friend convinced him to take up running, a good way to deal with his hyperactivity. By the age of 42, the former fat kid was participating in triathlons.
Photo: Jouneythroughhappiness
CNN reports that www.beautifulpeople.com, an international dating site that accepts members based entirely on their looks, axed about 5,000 members because they gained weight over the holidays. This has to be a publicity stunt to create awareness of the site and attract more members. How did they know that members gained weight in just a week or two? Do members post updated full-bodied photos every month? Maybe that’s a requirement. I can’t find out because the website says it is temporarily closed to visitors. Could be another stunt, forcing people to apply before they can see all the pretty faces and buff bodies.
The managing director says that the site is elitest and “lookist” and politically inncorrect because the members want it to be. Well, if they want to eliminate members who gain weight or lose their perfect looks, turnover must be high. Sooner or later, everyone gains weight, losses hair, develops wrinkles, or turns…well, a certain age. I wonder how many of the wholesome and decent-looking people pictured below would not qualify?
photos from flickr
If just thinking about exercising makes you sleepy or slightly ill, force yourself to do something, even the minimum, like a brisk walk around the block. You won’t lose weight, but you will be glad you did it. Next time, walk two blocks. Still no pounds shed, but you will have a sense of accomplishment.
A study by the University of Florida as reported in the Journal of Health Psychology found that people who start exercising improve their body image, even though their thighs or muffin tops don’t diminish a single gram. In fact, men and women who do not exercise enough to meet the minimum for health benefits (considered 30 minutes a day, five days a week) experience the same psychological improvement as more athletic men and women. They feel good (angelic?) about making the effort.
I’m sure this is true, but at some point, I’ll bet there has to be some physical change or depression will set in. However, they should keep in mind that exercise has benefits beyond weight loss. Try it. Do anything, even if it is just five minutes twice a week. And no fries with that.
photo by crayzeee
New actress Gabourey Sidibe, star of the movie Precious, is an excellent example of a very large person who can look good because of the clothes she wears. The November 30 issue of Star magazine shows her wearing four classy outfits and, no, you smart-alecks, not all at the same time. She looks good in a print dress, a sequined tunic with leggings, a purple gown, and even wearing a plaid hoodie and short skirt. The article has a shot of her from the movie, and even though she is not poorly dressed, she looks much better in the other photos with the additional help of make-up, a better hairdo, and a great smile.
Photo credit: gdcgraphics
Years ago, as the head of the PR department for a large corporation, I had a woman on my staff who was smart, pleasant and capable. She was also obese, had long greasy hair, did not wear make up, and had body odor. One day she asked me why I never sent her on business trips. I closed the door and reminded her that our PR department represented the company, which sold personal care products! We had a talk about first impressions. She explained she had financial problems, uncontrollable weight, and too many family members using one bathroom. I sympathized, but told her that even her fellow employees would respect her more if made some improvements and displayed more self-respect. It was a painful discussion.
She cut her hair short and started wearing make-up and nail polish. She bought a new outfit. That was about the best she could do, but she tried, and I believe it made a difference. Nevertheless, I think she resented my candor with her, and the fact that I never did send her on a business trip.
I still believe I did the right thing. What do you think?
For several years, the marketers of Dove soap and skin products have been reaching out to customers with a Campaign for Real Beauty that includes a self-esteem program and now a “Thank You for Making a Difference” campaign. Author, speaker and self-esteem expert Jess Weiner is the brand’s Global Ambassador. The new make-a-difference campaign asks moms of teenaged girls to make a 30-second video of their daughters describing what they learned from a self-esteem program or what makes them feel beautiful, then upload the videos to the Dove Self Esteem Fund Facebook page.
I don’t read the publications or watch the shows that promote Dove products, but I know Dove has endured some criticism, such as the fact that the ad showing scantily clad girls was altered to make them look chunky. And, of course, Dove “just” wants to sell products.
Personally, I think Dove is doing a good thing. Yes, we can be cynical, but isn’t it commendable to make girls and women feel good about themselves when they fall short in the expected good looks? Isn’t that better than most beauty product ads that promise unrealistic results? The post-a-video on Facebook program is intended to show real girls inspiring other girls. Perfect. Too bad they don’t have products and programs to help boys build self-esteem.
Annie Fox is a former teacher who has dedicated herself to helping kids, tweens and teenagers enjoy their youth by dealing with the many issues they confront. On her website, www.anniefox.com, you can download one of her books, “The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating.” Regarding every young person’s concern about their looks, she advises, “Every time you have the urge to be self-critical about your face or body, remember your good points instead.”
I know it is hard for a guy to become confident when he thinks his best feature is his left ear, or for a girl to boast about her symmetrically arched eyebrows, but this really works. The trick is to think positively about your best features all the time, convincing yourself that your good parts are what everyone notices.
Annie Fox also suggests you be a role model by not openly criticizing yourself, and also by complimenting your friends on their appealing personality traits and their physical highlights. This is superb advice that benefits them and you. Doing so not only shows you have the admirable quality of self confidence about your own looks (even if you are sort of faking it), but also flatters your friends. They will like you more, and being liked will boost your own self-esteem.
The free downloaded book also covers relationships, sex, getting along with parents and siblings, resolving conflicts. It includes questions and answers, and references to other helpful books and websites. Check it out, and also visit http://blog.anniefox.com
Crystal Renn was about a size 12 teenager when she was told she could be a successful model if she lost weight. She shed the pounds and became a sought after model. But after several years of starvation, bulimia, drugs and health issues, she ate what she wanted and returned to size 12, which she believes is her genetically determined size–and the size of the average American woman. Her career tumbled, but soon she became one of the top plus-sized models in the world, and still is. In her recently released autobiography, Hungry, she says she is now a normal, happy, more relaxed person:
“When I was straight-sized, I’d be in and out of castings in five minutes. Now that I looked and behaved like a completely different person, casting directors kept talking to me. I was confident and charismatic, animated, funny. I would ask casting directors about themselves, which is unusual for models on calls. I was newly expansive. I’d express opinions. I was everything as a plus model that I hadn’t been as a meek, spacey, straight-size model.”
Her advice in a nutshell: embrace who you are.
