If you feel you are just average looking, you’re right at home with 66% of the population. Would you feel even better about yourself knowing that 17% of the population is either unattractive or very unattractive? Don’t feel terrible if you aren’t beautiful–only 2% of people are considered truly gorgeous. That leaves 15% who are categorized as very attractive, but they are still in the minority.
These statistics are from the book “Appearance Is Everything,” by Steve Jeffes. Despite the title, Jeffes writes that no matter what you look like, you will do well if you believe in yourself, maintain your self-worth, and work at achieving your goals. It’s true. Look around you; most people just go about their business.
Jeffes’ figure of 17% beautiful or very attractive is supported by a shallow dating site called Beautiful People. It only accepts handsome studs and cute babes, based on the votes of existing members viewing submitted photos. In October 2009, they accepted only 360,000 people out of 1,860,000 love-seeking applicants worldwide. That’s slightly more than 19%. Yet, apparently ALL 1,860,000 men and women felt they look great enough to be among the chosen.
Looks are subjective. I think everyone in this photo is average looking. Do you see a guy or girl you would place in a higher category?
Photo by m.a.x.
Some kids who are picked on in high school because of their appearance think the torment will end when they escape from high school. They’re right. At least that’s what I’ve discovered from the people I’ve interviewed so far for my book, “Facing the World.” The main reasons why:
* In college, the bullies and tormentors find new activities, interests and friends to keep them occupied.
* Their cliques are desolved, so they no longer have followers to amuse or help feel superior.
* They mature. Well, not really. They just find other ways to misbehave.
* It is easier to find supportive friends in college, or to disappear into the crowd.
* Victims who get a job rather than go to college discover everyone at work is too busy to bother teasing them. They might encounter conflicts with a wicked fellow employee, but usually for reasons other than their looks.
Another solution, it seems, is to move to New York City. There are so many different kinds of people living in that melting pot that everyone fits in somewhere. In fact, if you have a really peculiar yet disitinctive face, hair or body, you add to the flavor and visual entertainment of New York. People will want to get to know you and invite you to places like art gallery openings. This is not guaranteed, however, so don’t rush to pack your bags.
If you have teenage daughters, I recommend they read “My feet aren’t ugly” by Debra Beck, a book about building self-esteem, making friends, doing the right thing despite peer pressure, dealing with depression and sex and drugs, and other survival tips. It has been decades since I was a teenager, and I’ve never been a girl, but I could have benefited from reading a book like this. In fact, perusing several chapters was a refresher course in the importance of being nice to others and accepting them. Making people feel good about themselves makes you feel good about yourself.
Author Debra Beck points out that someone might not like your looks, but someone else will consider you attractive. In her case, a boy told her she had the ugliest feet he had ever seen. She didn’t start wearing boots to the beach, but she stopped wearing sandals–until another boy told her she had really pretty feet. That explains the book title.
“My feet aren’t ugly” was published in 2007, but it is timeless, easy to read, has illustrations, and pages for readers to journal. A helpful section on relationships presents hypotethical situations and lists optional actions to take. If the reader’s choice is not the recommended answer, she will reflect on her own behavior. 
Check out http://myfeetarentugly.com
Most kids who are bullied have some sort of physical shortcoming or unusual appearance.
Boys who bully do so in a physical way. Girls bully by starting rumors or through other devious acts. One reason is that girls’ frontal lobes develop faster, equipping them to think of ways to hurt others emotionally.
Kids who bully do so because it gives them power and, in some circles, social status. They are often bullied themselves by a parent, step-parent, foster parent, or older sibling.
Student leaders and popular kids can reduce or end bullying by telling the ringleaders to back off. They often don’t out of fear that their own social status will be at risk.
Getting students to be aware of the problems with bullying has some impact initially, but as anti-bullying programs continue, kids find them trite and routine. It has to do with the small universe of thought that they live in, which adults have trouble influencing.
There are many facets to these statements, which summarize a conversation I had today with Bob Patterson, a former training director for Discovery Communications who has spent decades working with teenagers and their issues.
